Stories

Good Things Take Time
Offbeat, Dark Humor, Literary Josh Boldt Offbeat, Dark Humor, Literary Josh Boldt

Good Things Take Time

Larry Sheckler walked out of the funeral home carrying the urn that held his sister’s ashes. It was an awkward receptacle—a little too big to palm with one hand, but small enough that using both felt uncomfortable. Like when stairs are the wrong height and you can’t decide whether to take them two at a time or one. He was the last living Sheckler in Covington. At least that he knew of. Both his parents were gone, and now his sister. Neither he nor she had any children. No uncles or aunts. No cousins. Not even any pets. Just Larry. All alone.

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The Heckler
Offbeat, Dark Humor Aurora Bodenhamer Offbeat, Dark Humor Aurora Bodenhamer

The Heckler

Abby believes it's funny to pratfall while pregnant. Holding a glass of Coke in maternity jeans, she moves into the living room.  She walks only a few steps before she yells, “GRENADE!” and hurls herself onto the floor. She thinks it's funny to do this, and I grit my teeth every time. The couch plays an integral part as it blocks my view of the pillows she has placed on the ground. The rug is stained and hardened from liters of corn syrup.  If I tell her to stop the slapstick routine, she’ll cry and I can’t listen to a pregnant lady cry anymore this year.

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Cappuccinos & Crime
Fantasy, Romantic Comedy, Offbeat Ronald Coleman Fantasy, Romantic Comedy, Offbeat Ronald Coleman

Cappuccinos & Crime

As Tom walked into the coffee shop that the “Villains Only” dating app suggested, he spotted the hammer-striking-the-globe symbol of the International Villains League by the door. The front waiting area was small, cramped, and as uninviting as possible. Tom knew this helped to keep the civilians away. The IVL would also seed Yelp and Google Maps with terrible reviews to make sure no one that wasn’t in the league would show up.

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Gyotaku
Mystery, Offbeat Dean Crow Mystery, Offbeat Dean Crow

Gyotaku

My father papered the walls of his studio in crisp white washi, covered in schools of Gyotaku: ink prints of fish he’d caught throughout his career. I probe the paper like I’m noodling for a bite until I fumble on the light switch. The LEDs mimic natural light–my father would accept no less. He demanded his works be displayed bathed in sunlight. They usually are, I suppose, though an overpriced sushi restaurant or a software developer’s beach house probably isn’t what he had in mind. In the last month, all those pieces have been resold for ten times the original price. Even these walls are likely worth hundreds of thousands, now. My father was a much better businessman than I thought, if it’s true what they all say. If he meant to die.

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Nepo Baby
Literary, Offbeat Damieka Thomas Literary, Offbeat Damieka Thomas

Nepo Baby

Nepo Baby can’t find her sunglasses. She’s driving to an audition, swerving down the 101 in her brand new Bentley, which her father bought her last week. It’s golden hour, selfie hour. This is her favorite hour. It turns her moss-green eyes into an evergreen world. It means more likes, which means more engagement, which means more sponsors.

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